IT'S ALIVE + DEEP CUTS

(A quick note: when you reach the end of the review of It's Alive, keep reading. I'm also going to review some really cool deep cuts in this entry, including one of their greatest, most overlooked tunes!)

It was April of 1979. Having laid out a quartet of studio album greatness between 1976 and 1978, the Ramones were gearing up to record their fifth studio album. The one that would usher them into the 1980s and hopefully get them that number one hit they were looking for. In the meantime, though, fans would be treated to an electrifying live album, named after the 1974 horror film, It's Alive.

The cover of It's Alive is a photo of the band playing their iconic New Year's Eve 1977 concert, which was immortalized on the record. 

The Ramones are amazing on studio recordings, but those who were around to witness their career as it was happening usually attest that the Ramones' greatness was truly on display live, raw and unfiltered. In order to capitalize on this, the band made plans to record a string of shows at end of their 1977 winter tour around the U.K. Though it wouldn't come out until 1979--the year after Road to Ruin and Marky replacing Tommy on drums--It's Alive captures the New Year's Eve 1977 performance of the band in London, England. This show was in the last few months of Tommy's tenure on the drums and represents the original lineup of the band at their absolute peak. The previous three shows had also been recorded, but this one was selected because everyone involved felt it was their best set of the bunch. And the crowd agreed; when the Ramones concluded their set, the amped up crowd threw 10 rows of chairs onto the stage. Featuring 28 songs (9 from Ramones, 9 from Leave Home, and 10 from Rocket to Russia), this functions as a live greatest hits release of their first three albums. It's an almost perfect encapsulation of the first three years of the band. 

The Ramones plow through all 28 songs in 53 minutes and 49 seconds. That's under 2 minutes per song. Each song is played at a tempo that ranges from just a bit faster than it was played on the record it appeared on to significantly faster than on the record. I would expect nothing less from The Fast Four. And the band is locked in super tight. They had their craft down to a science at this point.

The sound of this record is pretty good. Johnny's guitar is loud and lively, Tommy's drumming sounds basically perfect for a live recording, and Joey's voice is immaculate. One of the only knocks I have against the sound of this thing is that Dee Dee's bass is ridiculously low in the mix. It's wild how low it is. Listen to the parts on Teenage Lobotomy (0:06) or Blitzkrieg Bop (0:30) where the bass comes in before the guitar. The bass is there, but it's really quiet. When the guitar joins in, the bass almost disappears. If anything, you might expect that on a studio album, not a stripped back live recording. It's not like there isn't room in the mix for the bass! This record is a guitar, a bass, a drum kit, and two vocal microphones. Because his bass is so low in the mix, the record sounds a bit thin. The only significant bit of low end we get is from Tommy's kick drum. Still, the overall sound is ripping, and the noise from the crowd provides a nice boost of energy.

The set list is very good, but if I wanted to pick at nits--and I do!--there is room for improvement. Here's my list of suggested changes I will be making when I invent my time machine and go back in time to weasel my way into the inner circle of the band. From the first record, Let's Dance and I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You could have been swapped out for Beat on the Brat and 53rd and 3rd. From Leave Home, trade out Suzy is a Headbanger and Now I Wanna Be a Good Boy for Swallow My Pride and I Remember You. They made all the right calls on the selections from Rocket to Russia, though. Still, for a 28 song set list, it's nearly perfect.

I'm not going to review all the songs again, because I've already talked about them at length on their respective album reviews. Overall, everything is a bit faster, with more frenetic energy, but less bass. Oh! And there's none of those annoying guitar overdubs that make a few of the songs on the records sound not-Ramonesy. Instead of reviewing everything all over again, I will be pointing out a few highlights. Here we go. 

I Wanna Be Well

Joey opens this song by saying, "Well, after eating that chicken vindaloo, I wanna be well." Before every show on this tour, the band was served Indian food. They were not happy about this, and complained endlessly. The Ramones were an all-American food band. A cheeseburger and fries band. When touring abroad, Monte Melnick, their tour manager, tried his damnedest to get these guys food they actually liked. It was a monumental task all to itself.  

This is a really fun mid-tempo singalong on Rocket to Russia, but here on the live record, it has just an extra bit of oomph about it. It's my favorite version of the song, and definitely a highlight of the record. Turns out, it just needed a little live magic to elevate it. 

---

You're Gonna Kill That Girl

This song really shines in the environment of this record. The parts with Johnny strumming the clean guitar chords and Joey singing the quiet verses is so good with crowd noise to add a bit of ambiance to this tale of murder. It's goosebump-inducing. 

---

I Don't Care

Dee Dee's backing vocal ("He don't caaaaare") is so, so, so good here. It's even better than it was on the record. 

---

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Here's another slower tune that excels on this record. Johnny's cleaned up guitar is absolutely magical sounding. This guy didn't often play lead parts or really anything that wasn't a downstrummed barre chord, but he had serious feel to his playing. He knew how to strum the hell out of some chords, whether that means a breakneck distorted assault or a more tender, discerning approach like we get here. When he turns up the volume and the distortion for the bridge section, and begins actually arpeggiating(!) the chords, it's stupid good. He finishes the song with the distortion dialed up, and it gives it this really satisfying crunch. 

Joey's vocal touches are even better than they were on Rocket, and the crowd noise imbues this song with even more atmosphere. More goosebumps to be had on this one. 

---

Okay, having talked about some highlights, let's address the elephant in the room. This live record is kind of fake. It's got studio recorded tracks all over it. A lot of the instrumentation was re-recorded in the studio. It's a fairly common practice to record a "live" record and then replace some of the live tracks with studio tracks to make it sound "better." The Ramones are not the first or the last to do it. It's a practice that continues to this day, and I kind of hate it. It's not legit. And it's particularly baffling that they did this, and yet the final product ended up with bass that is way too quiet. Still, it's a pretty good sounding live/studio record with a great set list. 

Luckily, the 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition of this album contains three extra concerts in their entirety. They are the three concert dates that immediately preceded the main concert on It's Alive, and they're actually legit live recordings, warts and all. No overdubs and touch-ups to be found. They just sound more real. Plus, they've got bass! The set lists are even nearly identical. As a cool bonus, you get to hear Joey bitching at the audience for spitting at the band, which was an idiotic way that the British punks showed their adoration for bands putting on a good set. He tells them if they don't stop spitting, the band is going to walk off the stage. You tell 'em Joey!

Totals (original album):
Set list: 9
Mood/Mix/etc: 8.5
Cover art score: 8.7
Final album rating: A-

Totals (bonus concerts on 40th Anniversary Edtion):
Set list: 9
Mood/Mix/etc: 9.5
Cover art score: 8.7
Final album rating: A

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Rarities and B-sides and Stuff

The first four Ramones records have received several different releases, and many of these releases contain bonus tracks consisting of b-sides, rejected songs, and demos that didn't quite make it onto the records originally. Let's take some time to talk about these tunes! I'm not going to be reviewing alternate versions here. I'll just touch on the best version of each unique song. 

I Can't Be - written by Ramones - available on Ramones 2001 Rhino Remaster CD and Ramones 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

This is an early composition that was demoed, but never recorded for the debut album. It features some nice guitar tone from Johnny, but the bass sounds kind of weird and plunky. However, it's a demo so it's not really fair to put a ton of stock in the production. There's a nice crunchy overdubbed guitar on this reminiscent of Havana Affair, though. That's fun. This song feels a bit like a prototype for songs like I Can't Give You Anything and I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You. Some girl wants to get pretty serious and settle down with Joey, but he just can't do that. It's fine, but it's missing some of the charm and fun that really makes their great songs great. 

7/10 slugs

---

I Don't Wanna Be Learned/I Don't Wanna Be Tamed - written by Ramones - available on Ramones 2001 Rhino Remaster CD and 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

This one is another early demo from the first album era, featuring similar sound to I Can't Be. Here are the complete lyrics:

And I don't wanna be learned

And I don't wanna be tamed

It's uh, a song that is 1 minute and 17 seconds long. These guys are great at minimalism. It's a huge part of what makes them great. But this is too minimal. There's not much here. Where's the joke? The fun riff? They hadn't quite figured that part out yet, it seems. 

6/10 slugs

---

Babysitter - written by Ramones - available on Leave Home 2001 Rhino Remaster CD and 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

Sire Records was scared that the Carbona company was going to sue them over the song Carbona Not Glue, so in the U.K. this song replaced it on all pressings of Leave home after the first. That is, until the 2001 Rhino Records remaster, where it was restored. It's too bad that happened because Carbona is a cool song, and this one kinda sucks. It's a downtempo piece of cheese about a girl who is babysitting and invites her boyfriend over for some shenanigans after the kids go to sleep. But then they're prevented from getting down to business by one of the kids who's crept out of bed to spy on them. Booooring. It's the set up to John Carpenter's Halloween, without any of the stuff that made that movie cool. Maybe if they had written this after 1978, they would have realized that the proper ending is a weirdo in a Captain Kirk mask busts in and murders them. Now THAT woulda been a Ramones song!

5/10 slugs

---

I Want You Around - written by Ramones - available on Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology and Road to Ruin 2001 Rhino Remaster CD

Time to update our list of things the Ramones want and don't want!

The Ramones want:
- to be your boyfriend
- to sniff some glue
- to be a good boy
- to be well
- to have something to do
- everything
- to be sedated
- you around

The Ramones don't want:
- to go down to the basement
- to walk around with you
- you

- to be learned

- to be tamed

This song originally appeared as part of the soundtrack to Rock 'n' Roll Highschool, and features in the movie during a pretty hilarious scene where the the guys serenade Ramones mega fan Riff Randall (played by the ever-awesome P. J. Soles) in her bedroom.

It's a midtempo ballad featuring Joey singing about how much he wants you around. It's dominated by acoustic guitar, but you know what? I really like this one. The melody is great. The production is a bit cheesy, but Joey sings his ass off. It's a bit of an over-produced I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. It works, though. It's good enough that it largely overcomes the shortcoming of not sounding very much like a Ramones song. 

8/10 slugs

---

I Walk Out - written by Ramones - available on Road to Ruin 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

On some releases, this song is also listed as Come Back, She Cried aka I Walk Out, but the 40th Anniversary Edition has the best mix, so we'll go with it's version of the title. 

Featuring really great sound that fits right in with the Road Revisited Mix of Road to Ruin, this song is a ripper! The song opens with some cleanish guitar and a downtempo beat as Joey sings about another broken relationship. It's not long, though, before the song blasts into hi-speed, hi-distortion territory and we get that trademark Ramones sound. The chord progressions are blazing and the lyrics are playful and fun, despite the subject matter. The chorus, "Ohhh ohhh no, nothing to worry about!" is super cool. 

Near the end, we get some strange stream-of-consciousness style lyrics about water rising, a warning from mom, and trying to get clean. It's not clear how this fits into the overall narrative, but this is the Ramones. You need a little weirdness. 

Shoulda made it onto Road to Ruin proper.

9/10 slugs

---

S.L.U.G. - written by Joey - available on Road to Ruin 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

This is another one that sounds just like it would fit in with the Road Revisited Mix of Road to Ruin. There have been a few different versions of this one on various releases, but in 2018, Ed Stasium was finally able to give it the definitive mix that it deserves. The song opens on a nice, bouncy chord progression in A major. The guitar tone is extra scratchy here, and it's really great. A few quick bars pass by before Joey start singing a whimsical tale of a slug--spelled out "EH-ES EH-EL YOO-OO-OO GEEEEEE"--that begins crawling on him.  

The super catchy chorus hits, and Joey tells us that the slug that is crawling on him is actually a girl who went walking in the woods last night. Something was strange about these woods, you see, and she got turned into a slug! The melody, perfectly sung by Joey, is highly reminiscent of the great girl groups of the 1960s, which Joey absolutely loved. It's a blast. 

 

After the chorus, we get a really nice post chorus that begins on a juicy C# minor chord. Joey laments the loss of this girl. "Why is it always this way?" he asks. Guys, we've been over this on the Rocket to Russia review! The whole song repeats until we get to a fun outro where Joey just spells the word "slug" over and over.

This song is the perfect intersection of Joey's pop sensibilities, the Ramones' unique sense of humor, and that gritty punk rock sound they pioneered. It's one of their all-time greatest tunes, and absolutely should have made it onto a record. It could swap places with any song on Road to Ruin--a record that is absolutely stacked--except for I Just Want to Have Something to Do or I Wanna Be Sedated and it would be clearly a better record. 

In case you're wondering why this song was cut from the album, the answer is simple: Johnny gave it the ol' thumbs down. I love Johnny, but what a terrible mistake! Why would he do that? In the opinion of John Holmstrom, who did the cover art for Road to Ruin, Johnny did it simply to keep Joey down. Is this true? The answer to that is likely lost to the sands of time. However, consider this: In his book, Commando, Johnny ranks each Ramones record. He gave their 1992 record, Mondo Bizarro, a mere C, stating that it had too many Joey songs on it. Joey has a songwriting credit on six of the twelve songs. Half. Joey was one of the two primary songwriters in the band, the other being Dee Dee. However, when Mondo Bizarro came out, Dee Dee wasn't even in the band anymore. Who did he want to write the songs? 

10/10 slugs

---

Yea, Yea - written by Joey - available on Road to Ruin 2001 Rhino Remaster CD

Joey, ever the romantic, penned this one about the perfect girl for him. Its fine, but it's a bit like a lesser, wordier version of She's the One. It's just lacking any real kind of excitement, humor, or shock value. The production is subpar, but it's just a demo track, so it's hard to fault it much for that. There's not much to say. It's not bad, but you could just listen to She's the One twice and have the same experience, only with four times as much fun. 

7/10 slugs

---

Okay, we've done it! We've finished up the Ramones in the 1970s. Honestly, this decade was insanely good for them. Their ratio of absolute bangers to duds is ridiculous. Will the 1980s be as kind to them? Will Dee Dee kick his heroin addiction? Will someone pull a gun on the Ramones? Will Joey leave the band to start a solo career? Will we ever find out what the hell was in that basement? Find out on the next exciting episode of Dragon Ba....err I mean...join me next time as we dig into their 1980 album, End of the Century!

ROAD TO RUIN

And then Tommy quit the band.

It was May of 1978, and he was sick and tired of it. Not the producing records part, but the touring life part of it. Any working-class touring musician will tell you it can be a grueling life anyway, but Tommy was touring with Johnny, Joey, and Dee Dee. Speaking of his former bandmates, Tommy once said, “They were very creative, intense, volatile people." On other occasion, he remarked, “We got along great until we started touring, which is true of a lot of bands, but the Ramones were different, they were a little higher strung than other bands. What made the music so different and exciting was their personalities, but their personalities were kind of rough to be in a band with. I lost touch with reality. I was in the Ramones world, not the normal world. It was like being in a Picasso painting, everything was sideways. You only have to listen to the songs to get an idea of what it was like to be with these people.” Dee Dee was a heroin addict with bipolar disorder. Joey had obsessive-compulsive disorder and leaned to the left, politically. Johnny was a hard-ass conservative. These were people who did not get along well, much of the time. You'd write a song called "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" if you played in this band, too.

It was a seismic shift for the band. If Dee Dee and Joey were the heart and soul of the band that wrote most of the great tunes, and Johnny was the muscle that made sure stuff got done, Tommy had been the brains behind the operation. Remember, he started as their manager before jumping behind the kit and had helped produce their first three albums. He was largely responsible for helping to craft the sound they pioneered. If the Ramones were anyone's band, they had been Tommy's band. Now he was out and they needed somebody else to pound the skins. The band would turn to none other than fellow Brooklyn native, Marc Bell. Marc was an actual, real deal drummer who had played in Richard Hell and the Voidoids, and hard rock band, Dust. (Check out Dust's album, Hard Attack. That shit is good!) Marc--who would take on the name Marky Ramone--brought a technical proficiency and a hard-hitting attack to the drums that Tommy had not provided. However, to make sure that Marky blended well into their sound, Tommy spent extensive time with him, showing him how to play Ramones style drums. Marky would make his debut on their fourth album, Road to Ruin.

The Ramones broke from tradition and went with an illustration for the cover of their fourth album. The original prototype was done by Ramones fan Gus MacDonald, but his design was modified for the final release by Punk magazine co-founder and cartoonist, John Holmstrom. This cover is so good. The Ramones finally complete their transformation into the larger-than-life cartoons that their songs make them out to be. It's perfection. A top tier album cover from these dudes. The colors are popping, the faces are really great caricatures, and a desolate slum lurks behind them, mirroring the tinge of loneliness, frustration, and pessimism that creeps it's way onto this album. Make no mistake--this record is more fun than a troupe of clowns trapped in a bouncy house, but it's a different kind of fun. These are not the bubblegum punk Ramones we've gotten on the last two albums. It's those gritty weirdos from the first album, only in color and more over-the-top than ever. 

FIVE Ramones?! From left to right: Marky (on his way in), Joey, Tommy (on his way out), Dee Dee, Johnny

Their previous album, Rocket to Russia, had, once again, under-performed commercially. It had only reached number 49 on the US Billboard 200. Pressure was growing for these guys to finally get a hit. So they tripled their efforts when they stepped into the studio in May of 1978. Recorded over the course of six weeks--significantly more than any of their earlier albums--Road to Ruin received a level of polish that the earlier records did not. Tommy stayed on to co-produce, once again, with Ed Stasium, and the two of them put the work in to ensure that this turned out to be the greatest sounding Ramones record that would ever be produced. Well, most of it, anyway. Nine of the twelve songs on this record represent the pinnacle of studio-recorded Ramones songs, from a production standpoint.

Those nine songs feature the best guitar tone Johnny will ever have. It's ripping and roaring and buzzsawing and kicking ridiculous amounts of ass. It contains a raw power and grit that has never before been, and will never again be, achieved on a Ramones record. It's like sandpaper scraped across your eardrums, only in a really pleasing way. Dee Dee's bass on those nine songs is full and punchy and just everything that bass on a Ramones album should be. The drums and cymbals, now beaten into submission by Marky, sound absolutely fantastic, as he pounds them with the authority that Tommy's light touch never really could. Luckily the drums sound this good on all twelve songs. Like the drums, Joey sounds fantastic on this entire record. It's his best vocal performance yet, as he does it all on this one. He sings with power on the punk stuff. He croons tenderly on the ballads. He carries the melodies with perfection no matter what he's doing.

But then there are three songs on this record where Tommy Ramone and Ed Stasium overplayed their hand. In an attempt to finally get these guys radio play, they absolutely borked the mix of these three songs. Layered with cheesy overdubs and stripped of Johnny and Dee Dee's playing, they sound nothing like the Ramones, aside from Joey's amazing vocal delivery. It's a goddamn rock 'n' roll tragedy.

Luckily, Ed Stasium produced a masterful new mix of the album for it's 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition. This new mix, called the Road Revisited Mix, is similar to the redone Rocket to Russia mix that I discussed in the last entry. It contains Johnny's guitar (panned to the left), Dee Dee's bass (panned to the right), Marky's drums, Joey's vocals, and that's just about it. Though similar in scope to Rocket's new mix, the effect is much more massive. It's a revelation. It just might be the best way to listen to this album. It smooths out the dips on the record and returns that pure Ramones attack to the three songs that were mishandled on the original release. In ranking the songs, I will be including ratings for both mixes on all twelve songs, and I will point out significant differences where they occur. 

---

I Just Want to Have Something to Do - written by Joey

Right away, we get a taste of the powerful production of this record as the Ramones power through a pounding stop-and-start riff to lead things off. They throw us a bit of a curveball on this one, because this opening song is a mid-tempo slow burn that is absolutely bursting at the seams with angst and tension. Joey sings the brief verse about being lonely and eating chicken vindaloo all by himself before we get to the chorus, which is just Joey singing "Too-oo-night" over and over. It's a fantastic chorus. After each chorus we go back to the opening riff, but now we get some gang vocals shouting "Wait! Now! Wait! Now!" Which is it, guys? Make up your minds!

Starting with the second chorus, things begin to build as we get some very lonely sounding guitar feedback behind everything. This simple trick builds the tension to greater and greater heights. By the time we get to the final chorus, the tension has reached unbelievable heights. It's truly goosebump-inducing, As the feedback soars and Marky increases the kick drum pattern to an impatient, persistent quarter note stomp, the band sounds like they are pushing as hard as they possibly can against an invisible wall that is preventing them from going any faster. They're pushing and pushing, and it's sliding, but it's not giving way just yet. Any moment now, they're going to blast through this wall and reach escape velocity, leaving this earth and the solar system behind as they blast through the cosmos with ludicrous speed rock 'n' roll. Just before they can destroy this wall, the song ends with an abrupt cutoff.

The remix mix lacks the overdubbed guitar feedback that adds so much tension to the original version. Still, the song is great without it. It doesn't need the feedback. The feedback is simply an amazing addition that takes a top 25 Ramones song and elevates it to a possible top 10 Ramones song.

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

I Wanted Everything - written by Dee Dee

After the abrupt finish we got on the last track, the Ramones immediately plunge ahead into their full speed punk rock blitzkrieg with I Wanted Everything. At three minutes and nineteen seconds, this is the first song over three minutes that these dudes have put on an album. Dee Dee spins a tale of a disillusioned working class guy who turns to robbing a supermarket when he can't survive on his measly wages.

Seriously, who robs a supermarket, though?

The riffs and are the real star of the show on this one, and the lean, mean production highlights them perfectly as the guitar and bass wind and jump their way through a series of unexpected chord changes, accented by Marky's timely cymbal crashes. The only thing this song lacks is the strong vocal hook that all top tier Ramones songs have. Still, the riffs are so damn strong that it earns a high mark.

Original mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

The prototype album art by Gus MacDonald. Note that Tommy's still on the drums here!

Don't Come Close - written by Dee Dee

Track number three is this great piece of songwriting by Dee Dee that features poetic, wistful lyrics and a fantastic hook in the form of the chorus, where Joey sings, "You don't come close!" Unfortunately, the production is terrible. Johnny and Dee Dee have been completely removed from the mix. In the place of their tracks we get a cheesy bass line and some radio friendly guitar tracks played by the studio crew. Any Ramones song that only features half the band just leaves me scratching my head. This song doesn't go straight into the dumpster only because the lyrics are fantastic, Joey absolutely owns those lyrics, and Marky's drumming is strong.

The Road Revisited Mix completely saved this song and finally returned it to the wonderful, punky, power poppy song that it was always destined to be. We actually get to hear Johnny and Dee Dee playing this time! Johnny has his guitar turned down, reducing the distortion a bit, which suits the song okay. The removal of the obnoxious overdubs also reveals a really nice Ramones style instrumental bridge where we get to just enjoy the perfect rhythmic precision of the band.

Original mix - 6/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

I Don't Want You - written by Ramones

DUNDUNDUNDUN-DUNDUN
DUNDUNDUNDUN-DUNDUN

This song opens with an absolutely slamming riff that is so basic, yet so effective. Made up of just two chords, one full step apart, this riff brings the proper heft to this song about walking away from a relationship that's crumbled as a result of broken promises. The chorus is infectious, blunt, and endlessly singable. The chord progressions are perfect. There's not a ton more to say about this one, and that's because it's a perfect blast of Ramones. The guitar is ripping, the lyrics are to the point, and the melody is fun. What more could you ask for? Dripping with pessimism, anger, and brokenheartedness, I Don't Want You is undoubtedly one of their most underrated and underappreciated songs.

Hey, if you want to hear a really great live version of this song, check out their performance of it at the 1988 Provinssirock Festival in Finland.

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

Needles and Pins - written by Sonny Bono and Jack Nitzsche

Originally a hit for The Searchers in 1964, the Ramones pulled this ballad out of the closet in 1978 and give it the ol' Joey touch up special. The lyrics are beautiful, and Joey imbues then with a level of sadness and agony that really works here. His vocal performance is nothing short of masterful. On the drums, Marky excels, intro-ing the song with a great little drum fill. Even better, he comes out of the bridge with a really nice roll across his kit that really sets up the final verse and chorus.

Johnny and Dee Dee do not fare as well. You see, once again, they're FREAKING MISSING. They've been removed and replaced by an after-the-fact baseline and a clean, shimmery guitar part that emulates the guitar on The Searchers' version. Why? If you're gonna do a cover, do it your own way. The Ramones way. At the very least, keep Johnny and Dee Dee and add some stuff over top of them. Don't take them out. This is a Ramones record, not a half-of-the-Ramones record. Laaaaame!

Yet again, the 40th Anniversary Road Revisited Mix is here to save the day! We actually get Johnny and Dee Dee with that trademark 8th note attack here. Johnny's guitar is clean-ish and that's totally fine. It works here. And we still get Joey's vocals and Marky's drumming. It's the best of everything.

Original mix - 7/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

I'm Against It - written by Ramones

And here, on the sixth track, we finally get a taste of that sense of humor that permeated the first three records. Did you really think these guys were going to go an entire album without making a few jokes? This song serves as a parody of their contemporaries' protest songs. Punk was becoming increasingly political, and the Ramones--who began as a band because they wanted to put the fun back in rock 'n' roll--weren't going to be left out of the nay-saying. What's that, The Clash? You guys are pissed about the economic situation? The Sex Pistols, did you say that you hate the Queen? That's cute. The Ramones hate EVERYTHING! Here's a complete list of all the things the Ramones don't like, according to this song:

- politics
- communists
- games and fun
- anyone
- Jesus freaks
- circus geeks
- summer and spring
- anything
- sex and drugs
- water bugs
- caring about poverty
- anything but "me"
- playing ping pong
- the Viet Cong
- Burger King
- anything (yet again)

Beat that, Joe Strummer! Holy cow, this song is fun! I mean, they rhymed "sex and drugs" with "water bugs." And the riffs are top-tier Ramones riffs. These guys really had a way of writing riffs that was awesome. They'd just jump around from chord to chord for the sake of jumping around. I guess maybe that's just what you do to make your instrumentals interesting when you hate guitar solos, but damn it's cool.

The chorus is simply Joey singing, "I'M AGAINST IT!" It brings to mind Marlon Brando's character, Johnny, in The Wild One. "Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?" His response? "What d'ya got?" It's perfection.

Structurally, this song is a simple chorus-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-verse-chorus affair. A bridge? Pshhh. The Ramones hate those, too!

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

I Wanna Be Sedated - written by Joey

Before a concert on November 19, 1977, Joey was inhaling steam from boiling water, in order to help clear his sinuses. On this occasion, though, somehow the boiling water exploded in his face, giving him severe burns. He went on stage that night, performing with burn cream all over his hands and face. After the show, he was hospitalized for treatment. It is during this hospital stay that he began writing I Wanna Be Sedated. Lyrically, the song focuses on the hardships of life on the road, specifically, the neverending hurry up and wait lifestyle. The line, "nothin' to do, nowhere to go-oh-oh" was inspired by the band being stuck in London on Christmas, when everything was closed down. With nowhere to go, Dee Dee and Joey stayed in their hotel room and watched movies.

Now's a good time to update our list of things the Ramones want and don't want.

The Ramones want:
- to be your boyfriend
- to sniff some glue
- to be a good boy
- to be well

- to have something to do

- everything

- to be sedated

The Ramones don't want:
- to go down to the basement
- to walk around with you

- you

The song opens up with maybe the best example of Johnny's palm mute technique there is. His guitar sounds extra bouncy, and it has a great texture to it. The lyrics are super fun and endlessly singable. Just before the one minute mark, we get the greatest Ramones guitar solo ever recorded. It's one note played for eight bars. That's how you put a guitar overdub on a Ramones record. Take notes, future Ramones producers! (Spoiler alert: they did not take notes.) After this solo, we get a key change! The band moves the song up a whole step, which just gives the whole thing a nice lift for the second half. 

We get a couple more verses, and then Joey begins singing the best part of the song. "Bam bam bam bam ba-bam bam bam bam, I wanna be sedated!" What a great way to end a song. Like so many Ramones songs, it works because it's super freakin' fun.

The Road Revisited Mix lacks the one note guitar solo, but that just means you get to focus more on Johnny's amazing palm mutes for a few bars. It's definitely a fair trade. 

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

A still from the I Wanna Be Sedated music video, which came out... *checks notes* ...ten years after the album.

Go Mental - written by Ramones

This one opens with a simple chord progression, but the production of this record really helps it shine. The chord progressions here are slidey and grindy, and the aggressive sandpaper guitar tone really elevates them. We get some goofy lyrics about a person who claims to have killed their family being released from a psychiatric hospital against their will. Joey rhymes "goldfish bowl" with "phenobarbital." Peak Ramones lyrics, here. 

The chorus is pretty hooky and features Joey pronouncing the word "mental" like "mentoo." You may be asking yourself, "Why?" I say, "Why not?" The outro of the song has a weird guitar overdub. It's a bizarro solo kinda thing. It doesn't work super well, because it just doesn't sound like anything Johnny would ever, ever play. It sticks out too much. But this is a very minor complaint. It's brief and it's not like it replaces or covers up anything the actual Ramones are playing. 

The Road Revisited Mix fades out before the weird overdub, but then fades back into it. It's just some simple note bends on this version, which works a bit better. 

Original mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 9/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

Questioningly - written by Dee Dee

What in the world is going on here? This Dee Dee penned ballad is the black sheep of the record. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a shock, as it's so far removed from anything they've done to this point. It is a nice piece of songwriting, though. Dee Dee tells us the story of two former lovers who run into each other, their encounter dredging up painful memories.

It would be a perfectly fine song if it wasn't totally butchered by the production. Once again Dee Dee is totally absent. In his place, we get a very non-Ramones bass line. Johnny might still be here in some capacity, but only just barely. We get some super cheesy country style guitars and the whole thing sounds like a parody, but it's not. Blech.

The Road Revisited Mix dumps the replacement baseline and cheesy guitar. We get Johnny strumming his electric, along with some acoustic guitar. We get Dee Dee on bass. It actually features all the Ramones playing, and that counts for a lot. Still, it's not a standout track. It's a nice little tune that feels a bit out of place. 

Original mix - 5/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 7/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

She's the One - written by Ramones

And here, on track ten, we get our first bit of optimism! This is such a pessimistic record, compared to their first three. Perhaps the pressure to have a hit record, and the continued failure to do so, was weighing heavy on these guys? Anyway, this song hits like a ray of sunshine breaking through overcast skies. It's powerful, it's fun, it's upbeat. Nobody even dies in this one! It's a nice bit of bubblegum fun on a record that almost forgot these guys could do that kind of thing. And most importantly, it's catchy as hell. Joey, ever the romantic, sings about his dream girl. She's the only one for him. Nobody else could ever compare. Aw, that's sweet.

The guitar--featuring a rare minor chord!--rips and shreds it's way through this masterpiece of pop goodness. The Road Revisted Mix of Don't Come Close honestly could have done with a bit of this distortion. Would've elevated it to the top. We get some nice harmony oooooos on a few lines, and the part that I'm going to call the bridge ("Know I'll never find a girl like you...") has a subtle overdub on it with some clean, chiming chords ringing out. It's a nice touch. This song kick ass.

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

Bad Brain - written by Ramones

I Wanted Everything, Gone Mental, and this song feel a bit like they're a trilogy. The former two entries are really good, but this one finally goes over the hump from Really Good to Exceptional. The song opens with an amazing guitar riff, before switching to another amazing guitar riff, before switching to a third amazing guitar riff. When the verse starts, things finally kind of chill out a bit...NOT! They give us ANOTHER kick ass riff on the verses. C'mon guys, this is not fair to your contemporaries. How are they supposed to keep up? You're just running up the score at this point. It's okay, though, because I like it!

Lyrically, we get a tale of somebody with all the potential in the world, but who flamed out and never achieved the success that seemed so guaranteed. The protagonist blames it on his "bad, bad brain." I wonder who they could be talking about?

Near the end, we get a really cool drum break, accompanied by slide whistles, bells, and all kinds of other clicks and fun noises. Then Joey comes back in, singing, "Bad, bad brain" over and over. The guitar and bass join him after a few repetitions, and the song completes it's descent into madness.

The Road Revisited Mix lacks the literal bells and whistles, but they aren't missed very much. They were a bit of a single cherry on top of the world's most delicious cake. Who cares if it's missing?

Fun fact: This song is where D.C. hardcore legends, Bad Brains, got the inspiration for their name. 

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

---

It's a Long Way Back - written by Dee Dee

This album opened with a mid-tempo barn burner, and it's closing with a mid-tempo disintegration. I mean that in the best way. This is one of the greatest closing tracks these guys will put on a record. Where the opening track--and all the other tracks that followed it--felt tight and energetic, this one feels like a band with the wheels just starting to come off. It's a long exhale of a song, after the manic rock 'n' roll that preceded it. There's a really refreshing looseness in the performance of this one. The guys decided to let us down nicely this time. 

The song begins with a slow, descending chord progression that leads us into this desolate tune. After a bit, Joey takes us through the verse. Here's the complete lyrics to the song:

You by the phone

you all alone

it's a long way back to germany

it's a long way back to germany

This verse gets repeated three times. That's it. That's all you get. That's all you need. It's a lonely, homesick song. And there's something funny about about a band that's so dedicated to finding rhymes that they'll rhyme "massacre" with "me," but they won't change that second "to germany" to "home." It's genius. They're screwing with us at this point. The original mix gives us a chill guitar solo before the final verse. It kind of works, but it's not there on the Road Revisited Mix, and the song doesn't miss it at all. 

Original mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo
Road Revisted mix - 10/10 servings of chicken vindaloo

The Ramones performing on German television in 1978

Totals (original mix):
Average song score: 8.8
Flow/Mood/Production/etc: 9
Cover art score: 9.5
Final album rating: A

Totals (40th Anniversary Road Revisited Mix):
Average song score: 9.4
Flow/Mood/Production/etc: 10
Cover art score: 9.5
Final album rating: A+

Road to Ruin is a great album. It's the final studio album of their classic, 1970s period. It's not as silly as the first three records, but it finds it's own way to be an immensely fun Ramones record. Whether this is their best record or not is a complicated question. Between the atmosphere, great songwriting, excellent guitar tone, and classic Ramones riffs, it certainly makes a good case for itself. However, while the original version has maybe the highest highs of the first four, it also has the lowest lows. It's inconsistent, due to the production of three of the songs. If those three sounded just like the other nine songs, it would be the clear winner. The mixing on the other nine is insanely good. The best way to listen to this record in 2023 may be to either just listen to the absolutely killer Road Revisited Mix, or, if you like some of the more tasteful bells and whistles of the original mix, make your own custom playlist using mostly the original mixes and the Road Revisited Mixes for Don't Come Close, Needles and Pins, and Questioningly. 

I Don't Want You to miss the next entry when I talk about their 1979 live album, It's Alive, and review some deep cuts that didn't quite make it onto these first four records!

ROCKET TO RUSSIA

1977 was a banner year for punk rock. For many, it stands as the high-water mark for the genre. The press was talking about this strange new movement made up of of energetic, angry, fast-paced, stripped down rock and roll bands who spat in the face of social norms. Parents everywhere were scared to death of what would become of the youth, pearls were clutched in never before seen numbers, and all of the most important early punk rock bands put out major releases that year. Among others, The Clash released their debut record, The Sex Pistols released their debut--and only--record before flaming out spectacularly the following January, and The Damned's Damned Damned Damned hit the shelves. Of course, all of these releases were bookended by the TWO killer records the Ramones put out that year: Leave Home (January of '77) and Rocket to Russia (November of '77).

Leave Home had been, like their debut album, a bit of a commercial disappointment for the Ramones. Despite it's critical success, artistic influence, and how beloved it was by the Ramones' ever more rabid fanbase, the public at large just wasn't snapping the album up off the shelves, and the songs weren't getting the heavy radio play that the band needed to make that happen. Despite this, the band and Seymour Stein--head of Sire Records--still believed that success was just around the corner. They were getting tighter and faster as a band. Their following was growing. Punk rock was in the news. They were overdue for a hit at this point. It was definitely gonna happen any time now. Based on his love for their summer of 1977 single, Sheena is a Punk Rocker, Seymour Stein urged them to get back into the studio to record their next great album. The one that would surely catapult them into superstardom. It was time for the world to hear Rocket to Russia!

Hey! That brick wall is back!

The first thing to point out about the cover of this album is it's similarity to the cover of their debut. Black and white. Check. Looking tough. Check. Brick wall. Check. Is it just basically a copy of the first album's cover? Yeah. Yeah it is. Is that bad? Nah. I can't fault a band for going back to what works. I mean, the Ramones are at their best when all the songs sound the same, so why not album covers, too? Nobody is flipping us off this time, and we don't get to see Tommy's bellybutton, though. But, hey! We get a splash of glorious pink at the top for the title! Black and pink will always work. If you don't believe me, just ask The Hart Foundation. It's a great cover. One of their best, but not quite as good as the debut. The debut works a bit better, for two reasons: First, because it's a head-on photo. This one's just a biiiit skewed, and you know how I feel about the Ramones and off-kilter album covers. Second: this one lacks the hint of dorkiness that lurked just below the surface of the original. Now everyone's clothes fit, nobody's on their tippy toes, and Dee Dee isn't all, "What should I do with my hands?" These guys look like legit badasses. I like my Ramones just a little weird, usually. I mean, these songs are about getting lobotomies, chewing bubblegum, and being broke.

Recording for Rocket to Russia began on August 21, 1977. It was given a budget of nearly $30,000, which was significantly more than the previous two albums. It was once again officially produced by Tommy Ramone and Tony Bongiovi, but in reality Ed Stasium did a lot of the producing on this one, as well as serving as recording engineer. On the first day of the sessions, Johnny brought in a copy of The Sex Pistols' God Save the Queen single and told Stasium, "These guys ripped us off and I want to sound better than this." Stasium replied, "No problem."

And deliver on his promise, Stasium did. Rocket to Russia turned out to be the most kickass sounding Ramones record yet, and it definitely blew away The Sex Pistols' single. It takes the best elements of the previous two records and advances them to new levels of awesome. Mirroring the cover, the sound of this record is like the stark grittiness of the first record combined with a splash of lush color from the second. Remember how I said Johnny's guitar on Leave Home lost some of its buzzsaw tone? Well, the buzzsaw sound from Ramones is back and better than ever! And just like Leave Home, it's in stereo now! Dee Dee's bass is meaner and punchier than we've heard up until now. The drums...holy cow the drums! They sound so freakin' good. No doubt as a result of Tommy's increasing competency as a drummer--remember, he only started playing drums because they couldn't find anyone else who could--but also because of the time and effort Ed Stasium put into to capturing their natural sound. Joey’s vocals just keep getting better and better on these records, as well. On Rocket to Russia, his vocals are pristine. Once again, the double tracking effect has been dialed back, giving us a focused, tight vocal sound that highlights his excellent performance. 

The secret sauce in this album's production, though, was that Ed Stasium for the first time on a Ramones record utilized rooms mics to capture the natural sound of the room as the Ramones laid down their tracks. Though used sparingly in the final mix, it was the element that took the entire thing to the next level. 

Something that deserves more attention than I've yet given it, is these guys' increasing use of two and three part harmony. On Leave Home, they definitely made a big improvement in this area, and Rocket to Russia ups the ante. A lot of these songs include lush harmony from the backing vocals, approaching Beach Boys territory. 

Now, as much as I've talked up this record's sound, I do need to mention a small flaw. Three of the songs here contain the first real missteps the band and their producers would take with overdubs. They aren't egregious errors, but they are small blemishes on what would otherwise be a perfectly produced album. I'll point them out when we get there. Still, the record sounds absolutely incredible. 

It's time we talked about how the Ramones recorded their albums. The band would start by recording the base tracks for the album together, live, just like they would play the songs at a concert. Some effort was put into isolating the guitar amp, bass amp, and drums so that the individual microphones on all the instruments could pick up a clean signal, mostly free of sound from the instruments they weren't meant to be recording. This would render a guitar track, a bass track, and a set of tracks for all the drums and cymbals. After these tracks were recorded, Johnny would record another guitar track--a duplicate of what he already recorded--so that this second track could be panned to the opposite speaker from the first guitar track in the final mix. Joey would record all of his vocals. Finally, all the backing vocals and instrumental overdubs (extra guitars, organ, tambourine, etc) would be recorded. 

Ed Stasium, the fifth Ramone. 

For the 40th anniversary of this album, Ed Stasium created a brand new mix, called the Tracking Mix. This mix is simply the base tracks that Tommy, Dee Dee, and Johnny laid down, plus the best vocal take that Joey did on each song. No overdubs. No double tracking. Minimal backing vocals. It's a bit like seeing the band in concert. The guitar is panned to the left speaker, and the bass is panned to the right. It's reminiscent of the mixing on their debut album, but even more minimal. This mix is absolutely killer. It'll put some hair on your toes, to be sure. It's not the definitive way to listen to the album, but it is a great way to listen to it. However, it does contain what should be the definitive versions of two of the songs from this record. I'll mention the tracking mix in my individual song reviews at a few points, but overall, I will be talking about the original 1977 mix. 

Now, without further ado, onto the songs!

Cretin Hop - written by Ramones

Rocket to Russia starts off, appropriately, with a bang. Right away we get a taste of Johnny's new and improved guitar tone. It sounds like equal parts buzzsaw and cheese grater on concrete. It's a thing of beauty. The guitar introduces us to the main riff of the song, and it's one of the greatest riffs the Ramones will ever write. Johnny bounces around on big open E and A chords before settling, momentarily, on open D. The raw energy contained in this breakneck riff sets the tone for what our ears are about to witness for the next 31 minutes and 46 seconds: sheer, unadulterated, maniacal, fun-times-ahead rock and roll.  

This song serves almost as a sequel to Blitzkrieg Bop, from their first record. People who feared or misunderstood the Ramones and their fans labeled them dummies. Idiots. Cretins. The Ramones took this on as a badge of honor, dubbed their fans cretins, and then wrote a badass song about their fans rocking out at a Ramones concert. The result was this masterpiece of punk rock greatness. 

After each verse, the song moves back to the main riff, this time with breaks in between the repetitions, where Joey chants, "One two three four, cretins wanna hop some more" and, "Four five six seven, all good cretins go to heaven!" If you don't like this one, go to the doctor for a checkup. You might be dead inside. 

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

Rockaway Beach - written by Dee Dee

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!" After the abrupt ending of Cretin Hop, Dee Dee immediately counts the band into the second half of what might be the greatest one-two punch opening duo of songs in punk rock history. If you think you know a better one-two punch than Cretin Hop and Rockaway Beach, I challenge you to drop it in the comments below.

Ever since the days of Plato and Aristotle, philosophers have pondered what exactly would happen if The Beach Boys huffed a bunch of glue and dialed up the distortion on their amps. The answer is Rockaway Beach. Dee Dee's bubblegum/punk/surf song--written about a local beach he loved--is rad as hell. It surely should have been a great summertime hit, if only it wasn't released in early NOVEMBER. The stars simply refused to align for the Ramones. 

The song opens with a few bars of the guitar and bass doing a ripping little half step slide riff from D flat to D, before plunging full speed into the verse progression. Joey begins singing the infectious lyrics about wanting to catch some sun at the beach, while Dee Dee's bass keeps doing that little half step slide, now from A flat to A. The amount of momentum generated by this little trick is massive. Once again, the Ramones use just a few simple tools to do great things.

After a few lines, the verse gives way to the masterpiece of a chorus where Joey sings, "Rock, rock, Rockaway Beach," accompanied by juicy backing vocals providing three part harmony. AND THEN--Dee Dee refuses to quit. It's like he was trying to write the greatest song of all time--we get the completely, unapologetically, awesome post-chorus riff in 5/4 time!! What?! These guys are jumping into different time signatures now?! Hold onto your ass!

Following this post-chorus riff, we get a nice bridge with some angelic backing Oooooos providing yet more harmony to Joey's lead vocals about how it's really not hard to get to Rockaway Beach.

If you think this is getting anything less than 10/10 bottles of formaldehyde, you've had too much shock treatment. This is a top 5 Ramones song, all-time. 

This is how much they wanna go to the beach

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow - written by Joey

Leave Home gave us a fantastic Joey-penned ballad in the number three spot, and Rocket to Russia follows suit, with the best ballad these guys have done yet. Johnny turns down the distortion on his guitar--and is accompanied by an acoustic guitar strumming along with him--for this three chord lamentation about a relationship that's unfortunately run it's course. 

Quick side note: It's actually a pretty rare occurrence for these guys to write a song that contains just three chords, though they're often characterized as being a "three-chord band." Almost all of their songs are made up of at least four chords, and it's not uncommon for them to contain up to six. Across their entire discography, they probably wrote less than twenty songs that are only three chords. 

Anyway, Joey's voice is the star of the show on this beautiful, atmospheric tune. His repeated Oh oh ohs are filled with sadness and regret. When he declares "It's over, all over. It's true, it's true," we feel his pain. Joey ends the song by singing, "Someone had to pay the price," which is really just the best way to end a song about breaking up. 

There's also a simple instrumental bridge where we're left to soak in the sentiment and contemplate the fragile nature of human relationships. Man, this is getting kind of serious. Quick, somebody write a song about a goofy ass murder or something!

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

Locket Love - written by Dee Dee

Back in the day, when I first got Rocket to Russia, I didn't really enjoy this song very much. I saw the title, heard Joey sing, "Lovely, lovely locket love," and kind of rolled my eyes. Then I actually started paying attention to the lyrics and realized Dee Dee wrote this song from the perspective of a killer who's murdering somebody by hanging them with a friggin' chain! Just when you thought these guys were maybe moving away from grisly scenes from b-movies. This song is actually a ton of fun. We get some nice harmonies and some really tasteful sleigh bells that up the cheeriness level of the song. 

But I've got a bit of a problem with this one. It's about the production. This song, on it's original mix, has a clean-ish guitar overdubbed on top of Johnny's buzzsaw attack. Johnny's guitar is definitely still there, but the overdubbed guitar is more prominent, and it's playing a quarter note rhythm instead of Johnny's eighth notes. It gives a song a kind of fun bounce, but it also softens the song and makes it seems a little slower than it is. When rating this song, I had to deduct a whole point for this. I want that Ramones-y eighth notes barrage, not a bouncy quarter note feel played by somebody else. 

The definitive version of the song is definitely the tracking mix, even if you do lose out on some of the backing harmony and the sleigh bells. The song just has more life to it without that overdubbed guitar. 

8/10 bottles of formaldehyde (9/10 for the tracking mix version)

---

I Don't Care - written by Joey

This nihilistic pseudo-metal song is among the earliest tunes these guys wrote, and is the shortest song on the album. It was demoed for the first album, but finally made it's appearance here, which is a bit strange. The material for the first three albums was mostly written before they stepped foot into the studio to record their debut, and was released in roughly the order in which the songs were written. I guess they just weren't happy with their earlier efforts to get this one on tape. 

This is another one of those rare three chord songs (A, F, and G). The main riff of this song is played in the spaces around the verses and is absolutely killer. It's a sludgy thing where Johnny and Dee Dee slide around on the first 5 frets of their instruments. 

What really makes the song, though, are Dee Dee's backing vocals. Joey sings the line, "I don't care" a LOT on this one, and often Dee Dee will respond with nice high-pitched "He don't care." Dee Dee's vocal is pushed back in the mix, making it sound like he's calling out from some dark New York alley in the middle of the night. It's such a great call and response moment. The vibe is on point. 

The tracking mix for this one is a bit of a weird situation. It's a totally different take of the song! The version that ended up on the original album was from a different studio session than most of the songs on Rocket to Russia. The one that we finally got to hear in the tracking mix is simply not as good. It's slower, which makes it a bit sludgier, but it's TOO sludgy. And It's also missing Dee Dee's backing vocals, which is a crucial element to the song. 

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde (8/10 for the tracking mix version)

---

Sheena is a Punk Rocker - written by Joey

And here we have the third installment of their (somebody) is a (something) series. Partially inspired by the comic book heroine, Sheena, Queen of the Jungle, Joey spins a yarn about a girl who just couldn't get down with the disco crap her surfer friends were listening to, so she ran away to New York to plunge headlong into the punk scene. This song is super-dee-dooper fun, and very sing-along-able. Those damn glue sniffing Beach Boys coulda wrote this one, too! We even get some super nice background Ooooos and other vocal harmonies. 

I've got a minor gripe with this one, though: the production. It's got another one of these overdubbed guitars, but this one isn't as destructive to the Ramones sound, thankfully. It doesn't totally overpower Johnny like the overdub on Locket Love. It's doing a surfy little something, but I just wish it wasn't there. The song doesn't need it. But with a song this good, it's a very minor complaint, and it's not enough to deduct a full point. 

(This song doesn't even have a tracking mix, unfortunately. It wasn't recorded during the main Rocket to Russia studio sessions. In it's place on the new mix version of the album is an early stab at It's a Long Way Back, which originally debuted on the next record. We'll talk about it when we get there.)

9/10 bottles of formaldehyde 

---

We're a Happy Family - written by Ramones

Side one of this record comes to a close with this fun tune about a dysfunctional family. The song begins with a pretty cool riff in 6/4 time before the 4/4 verse takes over. We get a lot of fun rhymes: "sitting here in queens, eating refried beans," and, "I'm friends with the President, I'm friends with the Pope, we're all making a fortune, selling Daddy's dope." The best part is the end, though, when Joey sings "We're a happy family, we're a happy family, we're a happy family, me and Mom and Daddy!" As the song fades, we get some dialog where Joey ask about minimalism and for the location of his safety pins.

It's juuuust a bit out of place among all the masterpieces of songwriting we've encountered so far on this album, but it's still a really good Ramones tune.

8/10 bottles of formaldehyde

You're telling me these guys can smile?!

Teenage Lobotomy - written by Ramones

Side two opens with behemoth of a song. In an alternate universe, where I got to sequence this album, this is the album opener. Unfortunately, that universe no longer exists as the awesomeness of Lobotomy into Cretin into Rockaway into Here Today was too much for the fabric of spacetime to bear, and the universe collapsed down onto itself in the most powerful implosion to ever rock the larger Cosmos.

Astronomical hyperbole aside, this song straight up kicks ass. It opens with Tommy playing a drum part in 6/4 before Joey comes in with a humongous chat of "LOBOTOMY! LOBOTOMY!" Joey shouting the word "lobotomy" to open a song is peak Ramones. This is so good, and we're just getting started with this one! The guitar and bass join in now before the whole band switches back to 4/4 time for 4 bars. Then it's back to 6/4 for a few bars until the 4/4 verse takes over the song. Actually, though, the last bar of the verse is cut short, rendering it 2/4. Holy crap!

The riffs here are so, so good. They're twisty-turny and ridiculously fun. The Ramones are masters of these kind of riffs, and these are among the greatest they ever wrote. Also, this song has six--count' em!--six chords in it. Take that, three-chord accusers!

Lyrically, this song is hilarious. Joey sings us a ridiculous tale of a kid who got his brain damaged by exposure to DDT--the insecticide, not the wrestling move--so he had to get a lobotomy. Verse two begins with the all-time great line, "Slugs and snails are after me, DDT keeps me happy." Then he says he's gonna get his PhD. Dammit Jim, I'm an obsessive punk rock fan, not a brain-ologist, but I don't think this is a realistic goal. 

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

Do You Wanna Dance? - written by Bobby Freeman

Originally written and performed by Bobby Freeman, this song was a hit in 1958 before being covered by such artists as Cliff Martin & the Shadows and The Beach Boys--sans glue. The best of the non-Ramones versions is the original by Freeman. It's really good. Go check it out. I'll be here when you're done. 

Okay. Having covered that, let's talk about the Ramones absolutely crushing this song out of the park, across the street and into the next town, even. The Fearsome Foursome From Forest Hills imbue this song with an absolutely insane amount of frenetic energy. The chorus--DO YA DO YA DO YA DO YA WANNA DANCE?--especially, is taken to heights never before reached on this song.

Moving into the second verse, Tommy inserts a great rolling build on a crash cymbal. It's a really nice bit of nuance that you don't really get on most early Ramones tunes, making it all the more special and effective. That little touch, coupled with the introduction of some really sweet backing oooooos takes the second and third verse to even greater heights than the first.

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

I Wanna Be Well - written by Joey

If you haven't picked up on it by now, these guys have a habit of writing songs about what they want or don't want and stating it as plainly as possible. No beating around the bush for the Ramones. Here's what they want. Here's what they don't want. For those of you scoring at home, here's the list up to this point:

The Ramones want:

-to be your boyfriend

-to sniff some glue

-to be a good boy

-to be well 

The Ramones don't want:

-to go down to the basement

-to walk around with you

We get another song dealing with mental health here, and this one's actually not that crazy. Joey does say he wants some LSD and some DDT, but other than that, it's a relatively down to earth song. The lyrics on the verses are incredibly pessimistic, but in a fun way, somehow. It's pretty slow as far as Ramones songs go, but it's definitely not boring. It's got a great melody that's incredibly fun to sing along with. 

9/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

I Can't Give You Anything - written by Dee Dee

It's a fun little song where Joey warns any potential romantic partners that as a Ramone, he has no money. You see, people won't buy these freakin' records! It's a good song that would have just made it in at an 8, but the production on the original mix kinda sucks. They put another one of those clean-ish guitars on it so soften the sound up a bit. Why? This is a Ramones record. We wanna hear the Ramones, not random dude #5 trying to apologize for Johnny's playing by doing generic guitar part #9. (I think the person who played the overdub guitar might have actually been Ed Stasium, so not exactly a random dude, but you get my point.) The tracking mix is definitely superior here. Listen to that version. It actually sounds like the Ramones!

7/10 bottles of formaldehyde (8/10 for the tracking mix version)

---

Ramona - written by Ramones

Another slow one here. It's a song about a groupie who breaks Joey's heart when it turns she's actually a spy for the BBI. It threatens to slip into the same boring territory that What's Your Game fell into on the last album, but then the chorus comes along and elevates the whole thing into a pretty decent Ramones song, as Joey sings, "Ooooooooooooo little Ramona." That's a good part. The song earns it's keep on that part. Plus, we get some really nice Johnny palm mutes and some decent harmonies. Also, I named one of my dogs after this song.

The tracking mix adds a lost verse to the end of the song, but it's just a repeat of the first one, and the trade off is losing the harmonies. So it's definitely not worth it.

7/10 bottles of formaldehyde (6/10 for the tracking mix version)

Joey headed out to catch some waves

Surfin' Bird - written by Carl White, Alfred Frazier, John Harris, and Turner Wilson

Wait, we get TWO cover songs on this album and they're both really good? Hell yeah! This song reached number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 when it was performed by The Trashmen in 1963, but it's actually a combination of the songs Papa-Oom-Mow-Mow and The Bird's the Word by doo-wop group, The Rivingtons. The Trashmen version rules, but the Ramones do it even better. That's probably blasphemy to fans of 60's garage rock, but I Don't Care. Blasphemy is great fun, anyway. 

Somebody probably gave this song a lobotomy, because it is absolutely insane. The guitar and bass just hang on an A chord for a billion-and-a-half years as Joey endlessly obsesses over exactly what the word is. (Hint: it's the bird!) Finally we get a bit of relief as Johnny and Dee Dee play a quick E and D, only to start this cycle of madness all over again. After doing this for while, we get a break. The band stops as Joey declares, "Surfin' Bird!" Then he absolutely looses his mind, performing nonsensical vocal...I'm realizing I don't even know how to describe this part. Just listen to it. It's cooler than the other side of the abominable snowman's pillow. 

This song is in serious contention for the title of Greatest Cover Song the Ramones Ever Did. It's absolutely perfect for their brand of minimalist punk rock. Also, did you notice that these guys are putting together a nice little collection of surfy songs between Leave Home's California Sun and this record's Rockaway Beach, Sheena is a Punk Rocker, and now, Surfin' Bird?

10/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

Why is it Always This Way? - written by Ramones

Leave Home had a bit of a let-down for a closer, but Rocket to Russia reverses that by ending on a pretty high note. This one's just super upbeat and fun, as a great Ramones closer should be. It opens with some absolutely perfect oooo-oooo-oooos as the band plows ahead into the tale of another poor girl who's met her untimely end. Somehow, these dudes keep finding funny ways to sing about people dying. Look at these lyrics:

Last time I saw her alive
She was going to the wash and dry
She was outside hitchin' a ride
Now she's lying in a bottle of formaldehyde

The image is some woman's body, preserved and floating in a giant bottle of formaldehyde. It's ludicrous. If you don't think that's a little bit funny, sorry, but I don't know if we can be friends. Why is it Always This Way? Well, Joey, if I had to guess, it's because you guys always write these songs to be about these girls getting hacked up by chainsaws, shot with revolvers, or hung with chains. I mean, you know you don't have to kill them, right?

9/10 bottles of formaldehyde

---

Totals:
Average song score: 9.1
Flow/Mood/Production/etc: 9.5
Cover art score: 9.4
Final album rating: A+

Rocket to Russia is an absolutely killer record. This is the most consistently great batch of songs they've put out, at least to this point. All Ramones records have great songs on them, but the number of all-time classic tunes on this one is unreal. Cretin Hop, Rockaway Beach, Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, I Don't Care, Sheena is a Punk Rocker, Teenage Lobotomy, Do You Wanna Dance, Surfin' Bird--wait, is this a greatest hits collection or a a studio album? Production-wise, the sound of this thing is super good. The only thing that keeps it from being clearly better produced than the first record is the three songs that have less than great overdubs. This is a top-tier album, and just may be their best.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR CRETINS WANNA talk about Road to Ruin next week!